A Hump Day Funny For Milspouses
May 9th, 2012The Scene of Good-bye
May 8th, 2012Lying in my dark room, laptop light is the only thing bright. The clock we keep on the dresser, a regular old big hand, little hand clock, is ticking. Tonight the ticking is louder than other nights.
Lightning and soft thunder has joined me as well. But it’s the clock. Tonight, I really notice time.
The computer says it’s 23:30 and I’m breathing deeply. My eyes are welling slightly and there’s a buzz in my head.
Memories.
Fresh, painful, cloying.
Grief.
I feel like a scene from a play is about to take place in my room. That a dim light will appear in the corner and I’ll see her in her home hospice bed. Once again, the clock ticking.
My head buzzing from sleeping pills and jet lag, but still startled awake at 1 am by her mental push to me. The baby. I always did what my big sister asked as a kid and she asked for the last favor on this night.
I moved in the dark and woke up everyone with a gentle shoulder shake. My husband, my sister, my parents. From all parts of the house we came with the soft shush of night clothes trailing. Came to that dim light.
The nurse is there. She is both soothing and matter-of-fact in her Jamaican accent. “She’s ready.” We knew what that meant. Hospice personnel had spent several days informing of this process called passing. Signs. I’d been counting them up in horror and dismay for the past day or so. This was true. This was happening!
I knew the signs of new life. Of waiting for that first breath. It happened to me four times. Now we await the last breath.
We circled her and held hands. I alternately rubbed her cheek and kissed her forehead. My big sissy was leaving me. Leaving the parents who brought her into the world first. Leaving my children who meant the world to her. Leaving all those she deeply touched. And she didn’t want to go. Lymphoma made that decision.
It tapped this daily 64 oz water drinking, skinless chicken breast w/ fresh vegetables eating, Jazzercising woman of 47 years of age and said it was over.
Lymphoma was right. This was no way to live, as she herself had said a week earlier.
So we told her it was ok. Her life had been great and we were all here. It wasn’t easy, but mercifully it wasn’t slow. She knew. That’s why she bossed her baby sister one more time. “Get up!”
Back to my room with the ticking clock. It’s now nearly midnight. I know I won’t rest until ‘that’ time has passed. It’s been like this ever since.
But there was beauty tonight.
At her memorial, her companion sang a verse from ‘Yesterday’. My sister loved The Beatles hard core. He sang it unexpectedly, but it was a perfect fit. Lymphoma claimed him too a year later.
Tonight, unexpected again, a duet on ‘The Voice’ of ‘Yesterday’. I’ll take this nudge from big sis as a hug.
Miss you, love you! 23:56
Who Buys A House Online?
May 1st, 2012
Who buys a house online? I do! Why not? I’ve bought everything from Belgian Ale and Maryland crabs to imported bath gel from Germany and European spec Fanta.
If it’s out there, I will procure it.
I woke up one day to my husband telling me that we had 21 days to get our happy butts back to the states. 21 days=3 weeks=run that by me again?
I have this trigger switch that I believe I was gifted with as a military brat. It puts me into ‘FOCUS’ mode for things like this. Trigger switched on and I went into PCS mode in the key of Alvin and The Chipmunks music. FAST. My husband and I worked like a professional sports team, calling plays and making passes.
Vehicle one was thrown up for sale and vehicle two was readied for shipping. Grabbed friends for multi-family yard sale since that brings all the shoppers to the yard. School was notified and kids were instructed to CLEAN OUT THE CRAP.
That was just the first two days. We knew we wanted to buy again CONUS so I called on one of my military brat buddies and asked for a realtor referral. Since I tackle from more than one front, I contacted USAA about their realtor program and applied for pre-approval. Realtor was out after her second ‘phoning it in’ email. Friend came through with a realtor. Emails started flying fast and furious as our first shipment was being packed up.
I checked every hen house and outhouse. I googled all the builders in the area. All of them. We Google Mapped location distances to base. We perused the school rating sites. Oh, wait…household goods are being picked up.
I finally found a house! It jumped out at me. It said “Hi.” We checked out the community. Cul-de-sac? New school coming soon? Great school district? Builder incentives beyond belief? Oh, yes. Spent many a ‘middle of the night/early morning’ time scanning, emailing, and calling the states. We were actually sealing the deal without laying eyes on the house! Got the car to the port and sold the other car on a sunny afternoon.
Flight time. Arrive at our destination and headed straight to the walk through. I wanted the kids to miss as little school as possible. We floated through that but found the house better in person! Closed the next day. Jet lagged, but happy. Set up camp and the kids started school that Monday.
People can’t believe this story when we relay it. A three-week PCS is one thing. Doing it and purchasing a brand new home online is something else entirely. That’s the beauty of military life. It challenges us in ways that others can only dream about. It fortifies our teamwork as a couple and as a family. We’ve got this.
Parenting From A Distance
April 23rd, 2012*This is a post I wrote during our 2011 deployment. It’s timely for all traveling parents*
Hands on parenting is challenging and it’s even more so when one is miles away.
As much as parenting alone at times is tough, I know it’s tougher on my other half.
Including the absent parent in the kid’s lives is easier now than it ever was.
Pictures and videos are great and now there are even more things we can do to bring the far away parent into the parenting process, especially where school is concerned.
Our kids have a daily email sent home that lists their current grade and assignments. I forward this to my husband as there are various links to class information. He can go through it and bring it up to the kids when they talk. My youngest reviews his ‘Sight Words’ with daddy as he learns them more and more. It makes my husband feel like a part of his learning process. They are so happy that he 
knows what’s going on in their day to day school life.
I used to type out the grades when report card time came out. The report cards of today, at least here, have too much to type and it’s hard to put all of the markings and comments in the right context in an email. This time around I simply scanned the cards and sent them in an email. He commented to me that he liked putting ‘eyes on’ and printing them out.
Our kids love to show their art work on Skype, have daddy see any changes in their bedrooms or to the house and computer projects they’re working on. So he gets picked up on the laptop and shown these things. He even Skyped in at the right time to watch the 4th of July fireworks with them at a hotel. They got a huge kick out of that and so did he!
I’m reserving one of the traditions he does with them for his return. The growth chart on the wall. I can’t wait to see just how much they’ve grown and I’m sure he can’t either.
DFAS E-Mail Scam Alert! (Military/Retirees/Veterans/Civ Employees)
April 20th, 2012Beware – scam emails – that appear to be sent by DFAS employees!
[4/20/2012]
There are emails being sent to individuals, including military members, military retirees, and civilian employees, which appear to be sent by a DFAS employee. Although the email appears to come from a DFAS employee and displays a dot mil address it is actually from a non-government email account. This is an example of what’s called “spoofing.”
The emails indicate that individuals who are receiving disability compensation from the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) may be able to obtain additional funds from the Internal Revenue Service (IRS). These emails are not issued by DFAS and will likely result in a financial loss if you comply with the suggestions in the email. Bottom line – do not send your personal information or copies of your tax returns and 1099s to the individual listed in the email.
The email indicates that individuals receiving VA disability compensation can receive additional funds from the IRS. The email states that such funds can be obtained by sending copies of your VA award letter, your income tax returns, your 1099-Rs, your RAS statements, and a copy of your DD 214, to a so-called retired Colonel at an address in Florida. Do NOT follow the suggestions in the email because you will be providing a significant amount of your personal information to a complete stranger, which could result in a financial loss to you.
Source: dpsia http://www.dfas.mil/
How These Shows Found My Wallet
April 18th, 2012Whatever a ‘fancy’ is, mine is getting tickled by the fun shoes and accessories I’m seeing on my favorite shows. I swear that as I get older, I’m getting more into clothes and shoes. Maybe menopause will cure it, but it is pretty fun.
I had to show these shoes I found at Saks Fifth Avenue. I saw them on ‘GCB’ and a contestant on ‘The Voice’ had a similar pair on tonight. My normal shoe color is black. I have all types of styles and boots and always go for black. Emo feet?
Anyway, the color and look of these shoes got my fancy’s attention. Love!
As for accessories, Ms. Xtina had me at a hand wave during the blind auditions on ‘The Voice’. For a moment I considered changing my name to ‘Xtina’ so I could rock this, but This guy can show you how to make your own!
Since I’m not crafty and don’t want to end up in court fighting her over anything, I found some others in a quick search. Apparently these are ‘a thing’ right now and I couldn’t be happier.
Wide Pave 2-Finger Ring/Girl-PROPS
Love & Rock By Loree Rodkin “Butterfly” Two-Finger Ring – Ebates
Much to my disappointment, I’m having a hard time finding blogs or sites that say where the stylists are getting the clothing for such shoes as ‘GCB’.
Who knew these shows would make me want to whip my wallet out?
Though some of the dresses fit like a grape skin, I’d love something similar and made for mortals who aren’t on the stroll. The Realtor, Heather Cruz, is working those dresses. Wish they had better set shots on their site.
Like I said above, I’m just a different woman these days. There’s one thing I’d like to add to my stable before long: Old Gringo Inese:
Wait for it…
Don’t judge me.
Military Tax Payers: The IRS May Want You!
April 16th, 2012The IRS is saying that $390 million in back taxes are owed by thousands of active duty and reserve troops.
Reasons for this range from frequent moves resulting in address changes which can cause the loss of tax documents, confusion on combat tax exclusions and simply the uniqueness of military pay.
Now that the IRS has brought this to light, it’s probably a good time to check with them to avoid future penalties.
According to Fresh Start Tax Services owner, Michael Sullivan, “A lot of times that notice does not catch up to where they are actually living and the IRS is only obligated to send the notice to the most recent address” on file, Sullivan said. “If the IRS can’t contact you, you’re going to get an enforcement action.”
Which means, if you owe and you’re not hospitalized for a combat injury or deployed, excuses won’t fly.
From the Military Times:
For troops found delinquent, the IRS will likely enforce a levy on paychecks until full payment is received, the same as for civilians and private-sector workers who run afoul of the IRS.
Hotel OCD. Am I Crazy?
April 16th, 2012We travel pretty often. Actually, I’ve been traveling since I was in the womb. The one thing that has always been more important than the destination is the accommodations.
As a kid, I loved the concept of hotels. No room to clean, free stuff, people to talk to, a pool and the whole ‘home away from home’ aspect. We’d jump on the beds and treat it like it was our second home.
Then I grew up and saw some hidden camera news stories. Rooms that weren’t really cleaned. Comforters with any and every bodily fluid hidden behind those flowery patterns. I nearly hurled watching maids use the same cloths from cleaning the bathroom to ‘clean’ the drinking glasses on those hidden camera exposé’s.
Hotel-room-renaissance-columbus-ohio.jpg
In recent years, I’ve walked out of a few hotel rooms that gave of the shady vibe. We’d check in, check the room and check out. I even registered on Trip Advisor’s website to read up on hotels before booking. I became obsessed with knowing what to expect and having a room that met our comfort level. No 70’s bedspreads was rule #1.
Finally found a hotel brand that we can rely on in any state we travel. They give their properties a category from 1-5 and that has replaced my hours of research. That freed me up to obsess over those undercover reports from back in the day and form a plan to address each issue.
Laugh if you must but I listen to my internal skeeve-oh-meter upon check-in.
- Clorox wipes are always in the suitcase and I go right to work on the remote, doorknobs, light switches, toilet handles, telephones and end tables. My husband points and laughs but he doesn’t stop me.
- We never use the coffee pot or drinking glasses. (See above about cleaning rags with multiple uses)
- Bedspreads get folded back. Luckily, our hotel of choice has switched to all white so there’s not much to hide. Bleaching them is the only way to remove marks or stains.
- My precious bare feet do not hit the floor. Ok, this is usually just my thing and not my family members. I bring slippers or slipper socks or incur the wrath of super sensitive cootie sensors.
- Pool schmool. We gave up on public pools long ago. More news stories, blah blah blah.
After all of this, I still manage to enjoy the hotel experience, especially if there’s great customer service, free Wi-Fi and a bar!
I cannot possibly be the only one with hotel OCD out there.
Oh and did I miss anything on my list?
Parenting And Friendships. A Deal Breaker?
March 22nd, 2012
I was surprised and amused to read a story on this topic in the Washington Post titled ‘Is Bad Parenting A Friendship Killer?’ 
Photo: Lambsfold.org
Photo: Lambsfold.org
Years ago, I came to the conclusion that there were some people I just could not be friends with based on their parenting. After experiencing destructive behaviors and rude manners with no parental intervention, the friend attraction would fade fast.
My first memory of this was a boy who would sit on his kitchen counter and kick at his mother while she tied his shoes. He thought this was funny. Sometimes his foot would make contact with her head or body. She’d react in pain and whine to him to stop but that was it. I’d wait for her to end the nonsense, only to feel frustration that this was accepted behavior.
When the same child charged toward my seven-months-along abdomen with a sharp toy in hand, I reacted much differently than his mother. I blocked his arm, looked directly in his eyes and firmly said “Stop!” About to be ex-friend just carried on like nothing happened.
That was an exhausting friendship. The woman I initially loved hanging out with became someone I no longer respected. I had similar experiences happen over time with the same result. From then on, when I’d sense a parent asleep at the wheel, that was my warning to back away from a potential friendship. I am not a perfect parent and I’m not interesting in befriending perfect parents. I fail at it quite a bit myself.
These kids weren’t out of control. The parents just weren’t interested in parenting. An essay from The Imperfect Parent.com by Eliana Osborn, ‘Can You Be Friends With A Bad Mom?’ was quoted in the Post story:
I don’t respect people who don’t take parenting seriously. This is the biggest deal out there. I certainly don’t have all the answers, but at least I’m trying. If you want to be my friend and you’ve got kids, it turns out I have some requirements.
“What it comes down to is this: you have to be the adult. That doesn’t mean you get it right every time. It means you don’t let your kids boss you around, hit you, defy you, at every turn. If that isn’t your vision of how you want things to be with your kids, then I guess we aren’t going to be able to hang out. I’m sorry.
She completely captured my feelings.
Does parenting effect your friendships?
PSA For My Tweeps! Too Funny. :-)
March 20th, 2012
